I’m Crazy

If someone were to look through my search engine at home or at work they would think I was a lunatic. I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t help myself.. I Google EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERTYHING! I should keep a list of the random things I Google. I have gotten especially crazy in the last 4 days of the TWW.

So, tomorrow is the day, TOMORROW!!!! Holy smokes! As long as this two weeks has felt, this entire cycle has flown by. I’m excited and anxious to hear what the results are. If they are negative it will suck and I will be heartbroken, but I will pick myself off and we will try again. I’ll also drown my sorrows in a bottle or two of wine. If it is positive I will be overwhelmed with excitement and gratefulness. Either way I am excited to know.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!

It’s The final Countdown

Here we are. The final countdown. Only FOUR days left until I find out if this cycle was a deal or a dud. I am very hopeful that this is our cycle. I am also hesitant still because I have had very minimal symptoms, if any at all. I haven’t been symptom diagnosing nearly as much this cycle. For my sanity more than anything else.

The past few days I have had sudden nausea that comes out of nowhere, but goes away VERY quickly. I thought it was weird, but I am not thinking too much of it. I’m also pretty irritable and moody, but that could just be AF coming.

Operation CLEAN THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE starts tomorrow. My husband will be very happy once the house is clean. He pretty much does all of the house keeping year round, so when I am on summer break I have to pick up a little slack. We are also in the middle of a remodel. We are re-doing our master bathroom and the kitchen. I can’t wait for them to be finished.

Cheers to staying as busy as possible for the next 4 days.

Ultrasound and IUI #2

I went in for my ultrasound today without my hubby because he was on shift at the fire station. This was the first visit I have gone to without him so I was extra nervous (for no reason). All of the doctors and nurses were asking about him, it was the cutest thing. Anyway- I had my ultrasound this morning and it was amazing the number of follicles that we saw this time compared to last time. You could see them everywhere as she waved the wand around and last time we had to search for them. I had 4 decent ones (13.46, 16.55, 18.02, and 23.92) and my lining was a 7.41…. I was pretty stoked about it. The picture I included was one of my plump follicles… do you guys see the cute heart???

Screenshot_2014-07-01-09-52-37
So, I am right on track. I trigger tonight. This is also the first time I have to trigger myself because E is on shift. He said that I could take it up to the station and he would do it for me, but I think I’ll just try to do it myself. Then we go in for the IUI on Thursday. I was so excited when she said the 3rd and not the 4th. That was our biggest fear going into this cycle because it is the only day E can’t take off work. It’s great when things work out how they are supposed to.
Fingers crossed that this is my cycle and I don’t have to go through all of this FUN again…I am pretty excited to get this show on the road and welcome my little angel!

So far, so good…

Well, this cycle has been a lot different than my first IUI cycle in a VERY good way. I haven’t had nearly the amount of side effects that I had during our first IUI. I think this is because of a few different things; 1. I know what to expect so I am not overly stressed about the process, and 2. I am taking the medication at night instead of in the morning. I really think the change in time for my Clomid has made a whirlwind of a difference.

I have been a little irritable lately, but that is to be expected with the increase in hormones being pumped through my body.

Today is my last day of Clomid and then I have 2 (maybe 3) days of FSH left. My ultrasound is scheduled for the 1st to do a follicle measurement and to see where we go from there. I am hoping that I have a good amount of juicy follicles. I hope that our positive baseline is a good indication for how this cycle will go. PRAYING FOR MY POSITIVE!

On a side note- another friend of mine has announced that they are pregnant! GUH!! It really frustrates me because 1. she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year, 2. they aren’t married, 3. they were “trying” (I don’t get why you try before you get married)….. She is very happy about, so I guess I will be happy for her. End of my soapbox.

I wish that I had more interesting things to share with you today, but I don’t…. Sorry!

Tough Day

Yesterday was a tough day for me. My best friend (that I have written about before) is pregnant and we are planning her baby shower. I’m very happy for her because she is so excited about it, but planning it really makes me sad. I feel so guilty and selfish admitting that too. As I was talking with her mom about all of the cute ideas and things we needed to get I got a little teary eyed. I also went shopping for some baby shower gifts that I wanted to get her. I went a little overboard with clothes because I thought they were so stinkin’ precious… and she will hopefully be able to pass them down to me after =). I also got her a few other things from Babies R’ Us… Walking around that store alone just makes me sad. You get to see cute little pregnant people everywhere and sweet baby things…. 

It was tough.

On a positive note- I haven’t had my eye twitching side effect (yet) this round of Clomid. I changed from taking it in the morning to taking it in the evening. I start my Follistim tonight, yay shots! So for the next 3 days I’ll be doing Clomid and Follistim at the same time. Last cycle this is when I had the “blah” side effect where I just didn’t feel like doing anything and almost like I was depressed, had eye twitching, and saw tracers in lights. Hopefully that isn’t the case this time, but if that is the worst of the side effects I’ll be good.

Baseline

So, we had our baseline today. We will be doing the same medication (Clomid, Follistim, Ovidrel, and Progesterone) and dosage that we did last cycle because my body responded appropriately. I did ask if we needed to increase the dosage and they said no pretty quickly because I had 3-4 decent sized follicles last time. Also, today during the baseline ultrasound the doctor noticed a significantly larger reserve than they have in the past. She said that last cycle I only had about 6 and this cycle I have about 12 in the reserve!!!! I don’t really know much about that, but it sounds good! The doctor said that it goes against all of my tests that have been done in the past. Hopefully that is a good sign. I start my Clomid today, FSH on Thursday, and then I go in for a scan on July 1st. I’m a little sad because the July 1st visit will be the first one that my husband has to miss. =(

So, that is all I have for an update right now.. I will update soon with my side effects from the wonderful medication. I am planning on taking Clomid at night this time instead of in the morning due to my eye twitching that I had last time.

What Not to Say….

It is amazing how sensitive I am now… The littlest thing will upset me especially when it comes to fertility. Sometimes I think people are just ignorant to the topic. I understand that it isn’t a familiar topic to everyone, but a little courtesy when broaching the subject is appreciated… Some of the most annoying things I have had said to me are:

1. You’re young, you have plenty of time to have a baby.

Really, I didn’t realize that being almost 30 was young when I see 5,000,000,000 16 year olds pregnant. Also, I am ready for my baby now… I don’t want to have to wait!

2. We tried for 2 months to get pregnant, I totally understand the pain and frustration you are going through…

Wow, two whole months!!! I have been trying for two years, you DON’T understand!! You were able to have a baby naturally with timed intercourse. I have taken medication and gone through fertility treatments and nothing.

3. Fertility treatments, that’s cool, you get to pick out the baby’s sex that way, right?

You’ve got to be FREAKING kidding me!!!! I don’t care what sex my baby is, I just want a baby! 

4. Maybe you’re not doing it right… Have you tried _____________ position?

I’ve tried everything you’re going to suggest and more. Shut it!

4. Maybe you should just adopt.

Really, you don’t think the thought of adoption has crossed our mind? It has, but I want to be pregnant, I want to carry a baby, I want to create something that is our own.

5. It must be a sign that it isn’t the right time.

Or maybe it is our infertility that is the factor and nothing about “signs”.

6. I’ve got my hands full, you can have one of mine.

Just pour a little salt in the wound already! Don’t offer your little nuggets up, one day I’ll accept that offer!

7. Are you pregnant yet, how about now?

Really? This helps, it totally helps!

8. Just relax, you’re too stressed and that is why it isn’t happening.

No, that’s just not true…

9. Just enjoy being able to have your freedom. I envy you.

I don’t want my freedom. I want a sweet little nugget to love on and adore. I want to pour my love into a little being and there is nothing that I want more in this world. Don’t envy me and my freedom because I would gladly trade it for a little love.

10. There are worse things that could happen…

Of course there are worse things that could happen, but don’t minimize how I feel or what I am going through!

11. I’ll carry a baby for you.

That is generous, it really is, but no..just no!

12. Whose fault is it?

Fault, really??? Ouch!

 

I’m sure that many of you have experienced similar situations… A little courtesy people, that is all that we ask for!