I’m Crazy

If someone were to look through my search engine at home or at work they would think I was a lunatic. I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t help myself.. I Google EVERYTHING and I do mean EVERTYHING! I should keep a list of the random things I Google. I have gotten especially crazy in the last 4 days of the TWW.

So, tomorrow is the day, TOMORROW!!!! Holy smokes! As long as this two weeks has felt, this entire cycle has flown by. I’m excited and anxious to hear what the results are. If they are negative it will suck and I will be heartbroken, but I will pick myself off and we will try again. I’ll also drown my sorrows in a bottle or two of wine. If it is positive I will be overwhelmed with excitement and gratefulness. Either way I am excited to know.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!!

Optimism, where did you go? ?

I’m a little down in the dumps today… I tried staying optimistic and positive, but today it is lacking a little. Yesterday I started having “period-like” cramps/ twinges. Or at least what I think is period like cramps. So naturally I began symptom spotting myself left and right. I haven’t completely counted myself out because I have read on doctor Google about many people that had similar feelings and still ended up pregnant. So my question to you all is, have any of you have “period-like symptoms” and still gotten a BFP?

Some of the other symptoms or random things I have noticed in the past few days is: a random rash on both of my upper arms. Also, when I wake up or stand up after laying down for a while my ENTIRE body aches. Sleeping sucks these past few days- I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep…Finally, I get briefly nauseous after eating. It doesn’t last long, but has been happening pretty regularly.

I’m still going to try to be as positive as possible until I get my beta results, but I don’t want to set myself up to ultimately be crushed either (I will be no matter what if it is a negative). Are any of you getting the second week crazies during your TWW?

This will be my time, this will be my time, this WILL be MY time!!!

Baby dust to you all!

1 Week Down!

Well, you read it…. I am HALFWAY through my TWW. This TWW has been a lot different than my last TWW after the IUI. I am much less stressed and obsessive. I’m also not paying too much attention to “symptoms” or anything like that. This has been both good and bad for me. Good because my day isn’t consumed with convincing myself that I am pregnant, and bad because I don’t feel like I have any “pregnancy-like” symptoms this time so I have convinced myself that I am probably not pregnant. Do any of you do this?

I think I am going to hold out again on taking a HPT and wait for my BETA. I did test my trigger a few times and it has without a doubt lasted in my system longer this time. Last time it tested out of my system in about 5 days. When I tested 8 days after the trigger this time it was still in my system (pretty light though), I haven’t tested since then though.

The second week of the TWW is generally the toughest for me. So, I am planning on doing a huge summer clean of our entire house. Much needed if I do say so myself. Hopefully this will keep me distracted and get me through the long stretch until Thursday!

Praying for my positive!

IUI 2-complete

The stupid computer wit let me update so I’m doing it from my phone.  Please excuse me if it looks funky.

Well, the title pretty much says it all… we completed our 2nd IUI procedure yesterday. The RE office called us on Wednesday and asked if the could move our appointment up from 2 to 11. We were fine with that, I was actually pretty happy about it because I think that would be closer to my ovulation time. This go around the female doctor did my IUI. I was a little hesitant at first, simply because she didn’t do it the first time… but, it made sense for her to do it because she did all of my monitoring this cycle. So that was that.

E went in before the IUI to do his deed. His numbers were a little (not much) better this time compared to last. Last cycle he had 7 million sperm and this cycle he had 7.5 million sperm with 89% motility post wash. The number still seems low to me, but the doctor wasn’t concerned with it at all. She said they like to see anywhere between 5-10 million post wash. Our egg quality was also much better this go around. Last cycle my largest follicle was 18, this cycle my largest one was around a 26 and we had 3 other juicy ones with it. The procedure itself was actually ALOT more painful than the first time. This was because she had trouble with my cervix and had to use another speculum type tool to open my cervix for the catheter- holy shit, ouch!

After the appointment we went out for some lunch and then went back home to relax. I was pretty crampy and wasn’t really up to doing anything. We had planned on BD that evening and then this morning….buuuuuuuuuuuuut that didn’t exactly work out for us. Yesterday I was just too crampy and not feeling up to it. This morning we got started, but ran out of time because E had to get to work. So hopefully at least 1 (maybe 2) of his Michael Phelps swimmers find and fertilize an egg.

and now we wait…..

So far, so good…

Well, this cycle has been a lot different than my first IUI cycle in a VERY good way. I haven’t had nearly the amount of side effects that I had during our first IUI. I think this is because of a few different things; 1. I know what to expect so I am not overly stressed about the process, and 2. I am taking the medication at night instead of in the morning. I really think the change in time for my Clomid has made a whirlwind of a difference.

I have been a little irritable lately, but that is to be expected with the increase in hormones being pumped through my body.

Today is my last day of Clomid and then I have 2 (maybe 3) days of FSH left. My ultrasound is scheduled for the 1st to do a follicle measurement and to see where we go from there. I am hoping that I have a good amount of juicy follicles. I hope that our positive baseline is a good indication for how this cycle will go. PRAYING FOR MY POSITIVE!

On a side note- another friend of mine has announced that they are pregnant! GUH!! It really frustrates me because 1. she hasn’t even been with the guy for a year, 2. they aren’t married, 3. they were “trying” (I don’t get why you try before you get married)….. She is very happy about, so I guess I will be happy for her. End of my soapbox.

I wish that I had more interesting things to share with you today, but I don’t…. Sorry!

Tough Day

Yesterday was a tough day for me. My best friend (that I have written about before) is pregnant and we are planning her baby shower. I’m very happy for her because she is so excited about it, but planning it really makes me sad. I feel so guilty and selfish admitting that too. As I was talking with her mom about all of the cute ideas and things we needed to get I got a little teary eyed. I also went shopping for some baby shower gifts that I wanted to get her. I went a little overboard with clothes because I thought they were so stinkin’ precious… and she will hopefully be able to pass them down to me after =). I also got her a few other things from Babies R’ Us… Walking around that store alone just makes me sad. You get to see cute little pregnant people everywhere and sweet baby things…. 

It was tough.

On a positive note- I haven’t had my eye twitching side effect (yet) this round of Clomid. I changed from taking it in the morning to taking it in the evening. I start my Follistim tonight, yay shots! So for the next 3 days I’ll be doing Clomid and Follistim at the same time. Last cycle this is when I had the “blah” side effect where I just didn’t feel like doing anything and almost like I was depressed, had eye twitching, and saw tracers in lights. Hopefully that isn’t the case this time, but if that is the worst of the side effects I’ll be good.

A Few Favorites

One thing that I regularly obsess about is infertility. It is amazing that at one time I never even thought about it, and now there isn’t a day that goes that I don’t think about it or research it in some way. I don’t really discuss it too much in my day to day life with others. Our families are aware of our fertility struggles, and a few of our close friends, but other than that I don’t really talk about it. So, I venture into social media to follow others sharing the same experiences. However, I don’t share my own fertility struggles on social media (yet) other than this blog. I almost feel guilty that I am not sharing my struggle there, but I just don’t think I am ready for everyone to know… I will probably be more comfortable sharing once I become pregnant.

One of the outlets that I really enjoy is YouTube. I would never have the guts to post videos of myself and my struggle, and my hubby would never be on board for that, but I admire those that do. The pure rawness makes them so relatable to me and it really does help me cope with some of the things I have difficulty with. I wanted to share a few of the YouTube channels that I follow.

 

Cullen and Katie- http://www.youtube.com/user/bamachick1101/playlists

This is a HILARIOUS couple that is full of wit and spontaneity. They have an amazing outlook on life and have so much fun with each other everyday. They have overcome their fertility battle and are pregnant with a baby girl! Follow them on their hilarious journey to meeting their baby girl.

 

Kendra- http://www.youtube.com/user/KendraBabyJourney/videos

I follow Kendra on Instagram and Youtube. She comes across as a very sweet, open person. She has currently been through 2 failed IUI’s and is currently doing timed intercourse with injectables. Follow her on her honest journey through infertility.

 

Heartships of Hope- http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWceiPHYdAljpJgr98q5i3A/videos

This girl is freaking hilarious. She has currently been through 2 failed IUI’s. Follow her on her journey.

 

Ellie and Jared- http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWceiPHYdAljpJgr98q5i3A/videos

Ellie, Jared, and sweet little Jackson are the first people that I began to watch when I found out about my infertility. They have documented their entire process. They are so much fun and the cutest couple ever. Their Vlog truly helped me get through a really tough time in my life. I follow them on Instagram and Youtube.

 

Danielle-  http://www.youtube.com/user/lovecomadani/videos

Danielle is on her journey to having a baby. She is a funny girl living in Hawaii that is very honest and open. She is currently moving from IUI to IVF. Follow her on her journey.